Alphabet Soup: Memories that haunt you
by Windfighter
Summary: Emil is overwhelmed by memories when he and Lalli pass a certain street in Mora.


One more for the alphabet soup challenge, wooo!

 **Warnings:** Bad memories. I mean, really bad. Very sexual stuff (compared to what I usually write anyway). Naked bodies. uh... Not exactly rape but close enough?

Gosh blast it, warnings are hard.

 _Italics_ are memories, images flashing through Emil's mind.

Enjoy! or something.

* * *

 _Hands everywhere. His shirt on the floor, his pants on the floor. Hands caressing his chest, his neck, his thighs, his ass. His nails wanting to dig into the other, his mouth wanting to scream, to bit, his lips tasting the other's lips._

A hand on his shoulder. Emil stirred, looked at Lalli and looked away again. Emil's eyes searched the street, the buildings. It was safe, there was nothing to worry about, nothing would happen. He was... It was... His breathing got shorter and he stopped, closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath. Lalli was looking at him when he opened his eyes and he blushed.

"It's nothing."

He hurried his steps. Lalli caught up to him and his steps got slower again.

"It's just..."

Emil's eyes swept over the buildings again. The smell of fried eggs flashed his memory and his stomach twisted. He put his hand over it, grabbed his arm with the other hand. _Blue walls and a fresh breeze from the open window._ Emil's nails dug into his arm. Lalli tilted his head, stared at him. Emil shook his head, forced a smile but it faded again.

"Just..."

He hurried his steps again and Lalli followed him.

"It happened a long time ago", Emil whispered.

Lalli didn't answer and Emil scratched the back of his head.

"It was my fault."

Lalli tilted his head. _Hands everywhere._ Emil closed his eyes and hurried his steps some more. Lalli's hand grabbed his arm, stopped him from stepping infront of a horse. Emil let out a sigh and looked at Lalli.

"I met him at the train to Mora. He seemed so nice and... I mean... He was..."

Lalli's eyes still rested at Emil and Emil shuffled his feet a little.

"But he..."

 _Emil's shirt dropped to the floor, his shirt dropped to the floor. His hands pressing Emil against him, Emil pushed towards the bed. Emil wanted to get out, to escape, but he was over Emil, his lips pressed hungrily against Emil's._ Emil took a quick superficial breath. Lalli squeezed his shoulder and Emil looked at him.

"He didn't exactly rape me, but..."

Emil pulled at his lip, dug his nail into it and Lalli took his hand, let a finger trace Emil's lip. Emil froze.

"Okay?" Lalli asked.

Emil nodded slowly and Lalli let go of him again.

"Tell me."

Emil looked around, noticed a bench and gestured for Lalli to sit down. Lalli followed him, looked at him and Emil sank down, leaned back. His eyes locked onto a cloud.

"I was going to Mora to visit Torbjörn and Siv. I was 16..."

 _He smiled towards Emill and sat down next to him. Emil's stomach twisted nervously._

 _'Hello there.'_

 _Emil didn't know what to say, couldn't understand why someone would talk to him._

 _'H-hey.'_

 _'You looked lonely, would you mind some company?'_

 _Emil shook his head and the other held out a hand towards him._

 _'I'm Jonas.'_

Emil let out a sigh, looked at Lalli.

"He was very nice, asked me if I wanted to come over to his place and spend some time together."

 _Jonas opened the door, showed Emil inside. Emil put his bag down, followed Jonas into the apartment and sank down on the couch._

 _'You want anything to drink?'_

 _Emil nodded and Jonas made two cups of tea before sitting down next to Emil._

"He lived over there", Emil said and pointed to the buildings they had just passed.

Lalli was still listening, but Emil wasn't completely sure he understood what Emil said, didn't know how good Lalli's Swedish was. Part of him hoped Lalli couldn't understand him.

"We played some games, talked, had a good time, and then..."

 _Jonas pressed his lips against Emil. Emil didn't know what to do, how to react. He kissed back. Jonas' hand caressed his back, slowly pulled Emil's shirt over his head, let it fall to the floor. Emil wanted to run away, but Jonas' body held him against the couch and Emil had read a romance novel once, knew what was expected of him. His hands on Jonas' back, holding him closer._

"I just..."

Emil clenched his hands, bit his lip. Lalli patted his knee, looked at him.

"I didn't want it, I just didn't know what to do. And now..."

He took a shaky breath, hugged himself.

"It was a long time ago, I should be over it, I shouldn't..."

He glanced at the buildings, the ones where Jonas had lived. He always tried to stay away from them.

"We met several times. I didn't have any friends, he was the only one who paid attention to me, but..."

 _Their bodies pressed tightly against each other, nothing inbetween them except for their underwear. Jonas' penis felt stiff against Emil, pressed against him and Emil wanted to scream, to kick, to run. Something wet against his leg, his stomach and Jonas pulled away. Emil felt like throwing up._

"Every time", Emil whispered. "It happened every time. I kept hoping it wouldn't, that... I don't know. I just..."

He looked at Lalli, forced a smile.

"I just wanted a friend. I didn't want him to push me away like everyone else did..."

He looked at his hands again.

"I'm still afraid of meeting him. Whenever I pass here I..."

He gave another slight smile.

"You saw."

Lalli placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezed it. Emil got up from the bench again.

"We should continue, they'll start worrying."

Lalli nodded, walked next to Emil. They crossed the street, continued towards Torbjörn and Siv. When they got there Lalli grabbed Emil's arm.

"Feel better?"

Emil glanced at his shoes, the door and the street before looking at Lalli, smiling.

"I do. Thank you."

Lalli let go of him, opened the door and they walked through it together.


End file.
